Don't Mess Up Your Hair

I grew up between two boys in the 60's. I played hard with them. We had 42 kids on our street, enough for two teams of any sport and parades! My earliest recollection of what I looked like came in 5th or 6th grade.  Before that, I never even thought about it. I was playing games, riding my bike and having fun.  No one imposed beauty on me at an early age.  It was a good childhood.

Fast-forward to my oldest daughter playing in the backyard.  We have our new video camera. And she wants to do a somersault for the "show" that we are filming, but her dad says, "You are going to mess up your hair." I think she was 4. Now she did look nice. I always made my daughters presentable. I never commented on what happened to that lovely appearance as they played. But their dad did. I told her, "Have fun, mess up your hair. It's ok."  So it is interesting. His message was, "Your appearance is more important than your accomplishment (the somersault.)"

This is not what we want to convey to daughters.  When you shape them before they understand, you prejudice them to a future where they value themselves based on their appearance.  My converations praised  her goodness, her dedication and diligence, her perseverance, her accomplishments, her unique attributes. I  have told them, there will always be someone smarter, prettier, taller, richer, anything-er. Don't judge yourself by outward standards. Compete only with yourself. That's enough pressure.