The Cold Shoulder

Last week, I walked my middle school daughter to school for the first few days. It's a new school. The 6th graders are the "babies" in this school in contrast to being the "Big 5th Graders" at the elementary school, last year. So there is a little trepidation in every conversation about her schedule/homeroom/activities. I remind her of past years where she faced the same set of circumstances, but quickly overcame her insecurities. She says nothing.

This can happen for your children at any age, and has for me many times. My first daughter, after 5 minutes at our orientation to pre-school, looked at me while we were seated at the 'clay creations table' and said, "You can go, Mom." And without a beat, I did.

As your daughter, at any age, masters a stage in her life, she is ready to go it alone. When you continue to try to be there with her, supporting her, giving her encouragement, she may turn slightly to you and say, I'm ok here, Mom.

Or she may give you a very disgusted look, right over her shoulder, roll her eyes and say nothing.

It's your cue to let her go. No comments, no clinging, no reminding, definitely no attempts at hugging or words of love. Silence. Maybe a final, "Text me later." will be acceptable. Going on to your life and showing your vote of confidence in her, validates what she already knows - she is ready to move forward and you recognized that.

The cold shoulder is an A on your report card as a parent.