During the first week of school, my middle schooler had to write a paper on the meaning of her name. Every night, she would find a few facts and every day her teacher would send her back home with instructions to find more. It became a lesson in research more than writing. I hovered (slightly) to support the new expectations. It was fun! We both learned lots about her name, including her astrological traits and her name's numerology meaning. I also learned some how she views herself as she agreed with some things and not others. If you think you know your kids' insides, self-discovery activites generally shed new light.
She completed her essay in school, but when I read it, it had a whole different, funny twist to it that I hadn't imagined in her. She generally is a very serious child. Lesson to me - something happens in the presence of other kids that never happens with you. Serious kids become funny. Funny kids become quiet. You can't tell what will happen.
Two night later, when her friend was here and they were talking about her nicknames, I called her one that her friends gave her last year. She looked at me and said, "Mom, you can call me Trixie (my longtime nickname for her). You can't call me Dapa."
What I have learned over and over, but am always surprised in the moment is this:
1. If they feel safe in their relationship with you, they can say almost anything (respectfully, of course) without fear of hurting your feelings.
2. A new identity is emerging and you aren't part of it.
3. You are her mom, not one of her friends.
So, as I try remember my experiences, I know I wasn't thinking about my mom in 6th grade. Boys, hair, grades and being cool. Things never change. Keep remembering that!!!
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